Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
