Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
