Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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