yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
