so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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