Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
