Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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