I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
