All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
