i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
