I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
