C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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