farters have to be the big spoon...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dick very happy bro
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
