I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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