we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize