Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

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(417): View more from Missouri

on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

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(716): View more from New York

Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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(217): View more from Illinois

he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.

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