i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
