is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize