my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
