Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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