She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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