alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Couch. On fire.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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