I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize