you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
