dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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