the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
