he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
