I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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