operation have a gay friend backfired
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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