Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
