All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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