Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
