I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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