3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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