someone owes me an orgasm
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
