Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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