I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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