My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
