Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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