Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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