D3 body, D1 cock
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You left your underwear on the fireplace
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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