The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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