you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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