my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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