I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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