you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
