You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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