Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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