you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
