If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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