Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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