Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
