dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
