I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
