There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize