the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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