I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
