my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
