You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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