Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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