Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
