Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
