Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
