It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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