I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize