Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
