My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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