Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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