I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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