She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
